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FIRST: A Soviet joke, adapted for the general audience!
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A UGA student woke up in the middle of a field, unsure where he was. He drunkenly stumbled to a road, and flagged down a car. Looking in, to his surprise, he saw it was a UGA alum.
"Hey," he said, "are we far away from UGA?"
"Naw," said the driver. "Hop in."
So the student hops in, and the driver takes off. Mile melts into mile, and minute into hour. The first hour goes by. The second. The third. And at this point, the student leans over.
"Hey," he said. "Is it much further to UGA?"
"Well, yeah," said the driver. "Now it is."
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SECOND: I talk sadly about how my group has a 20pg paper due soon!
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Guys my group has a 20pg paper due soon :( Right now, 1% of my final grade corresponds to each page of this report. 1.75% if you take into account that we're making a presentation of a poster of this same thing.
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THIRD: Hooray for the mail!
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The mail has yet to let me down. It successfully conveyed a book on brain science + language science to my brother/comrade at Duke! Best part - he'd forgotten that I was sending it at all. It was like a surprise! Actually, it was a surprise. It surprised him.
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This is a very strong avoidance response, Norman thought to himself, just before he fell asleep.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
I cannot register for classes because there is a hold on my record that I did not know about.
The hold is because I allegedly did not return a library book, so only the library can remove this hold.
The library is closed all day today because it is Saturday, so there is nobody I can ask about this.
The library computers are down all day today because of construction, so I can't point to my clean account and say LOOK YOU'RE WRONG.
The registrar is closed all day today because it is the WEEKEND.
My advisor is out of town for the weekend.
Pretty much everything that could go wrong here.
I will probably have to wait 48hr to register for classes because of this. As a result, I will have trouble getting into the classes that I need to complete my major, and as this is my last semester, there is precious little wiggle room if classes fill up.
I kind of wish that I didn't have to have woken up at 8:30AM on a Saturday to find this out.
I'm pretty fucking mad about this.
What to do? 6 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Things that don't cut my feet - broken glass, sharp rocks.
Things that do cut my feet - taking the curb badly.
Cutting the bottom of your feet is the worst because you can't really put a bandaid on it. The skin deforms a lot as you shift pressure on it, and your feet are astonishingly good at sweating.
I'm not sure at what point something died and I stopped thinking my life was interesting enough to consistently write about it here, but I've hit that point.
Predictably, it's arrived coincidentally with a spike in depression! HOORAY
I've started listening to more metal, as a way of dealing with that.
This explains metal pretty well, I think.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
SO
I thought I was the lightest weight because I had four shots in one hour and was like LALALALALALALALA ANASTASIA YOU HAVE HAIR WHOA and everyone in the room was like Geoff you're the lightest weight, I'm embarrassed to know you, you dishonor your Irish and Polish heritage.
BUT
I then found out that this glass I've been using is two-shots equivalent! I.E. I drank eight shots equivalent in one hour, which is possibly why I got fuzzy.
IN CONCLUSION
I drank more than I anticipated last night!
WHEE
What to do? 10 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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FUN THING NUMBER ONE! My phone has received one too many punishing blows and now unless I am crushing it in my mighty grip, it thinks there is a headset attached! I can't hear anything and neither can the other guy. So - crushing grip! Gonna use it to crush some shit!
FUN THING NUMBER TWO! I am wretchedly ill! It started when I went home for fall break, and picked up a low-grade throat infection. I thought little enough of it, but then I recieved a phone call from my mother, and all it said was "I'm worried about your health." Over the next eleven hours (7:30pm - 6:30am) I felt my body fall into ruin. The frequency of my sneezes went up (the wavelength shrunk), my throat started tearing up, my nose ran freely. Anyway, it's gotten to the point where I have to shave to avoid plaguebeard, so that's a thing.
FUN THING NUMBER THREE! It's my last day of being twenty soon~♪
"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more."
Proverbs 31:6-7 totally has my back for drunken shenanigans while sick and wretched.
FUN THING THE FINAL: 85% on my neuroscience test whoo! 6% on my fluid mechanics test BAHAHA
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
The problem with "Life is short," is that you can follow it with "so let's do this while we can," OR "so let's not lose time on this."
In a word, you cannot even rely on the specter of mortality to drive your decision! Where are we left?
Your story's in the past, it's nothing worth recall.
There's a whole life left to live, and it won't need you at all.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
There was a study by Fishbain, et al. which examined 800 rehab patients.
5% wanted to kill their doctor.
In the control group, who were not being treated for anything
2% wanted to kill their doctor.
So, if you want to kill your doctor
That's not as unusual as you'd imagine.
(still as unacceptable)
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
For the first time I went into a class, sat down, the test got handed to me, I looked at it, and I realized I was in the wrong room.
This room being for the people who were competent.
Me being a dolt.
PROBABLY GONNA DROP THAT CLASS AND TRY AGAIN NEXT SEMESTER
TRALALA
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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I have updated ZERO which is alright because I'm not cool and Scottish, so odds are I didn't have anything interesting to say. HOWEVER that has changed because I've been reading a book for neuro, and it's about the brain and language and how the brain developed for language, and there are all kinds of things in it that are nuts. The important thing is, I just read a paragraph that blew my mind.
The idea is that language is not based on what you hear, but what you think people want to say. This is why people can talk faster or slower, pitch their voices up or down, or even inflect words differently, and you still understand what they mean. If you were just a fancy oscilloscope, relating audio input to symbolic output, this task would be insane. But the shapes you make with your tongue, larynx, lips, teeth, are all pretty constant across those boundaries! And we acquire, as babies, a pretty good understanding of how to make all of those shapes and what those sounds should be (the babbling stage). We then use this knowledge to comprehend speech, in spite of individual idiosyncrasies!
AND THAT'S INSANE.
Also survey time ZOOM
If you could choose between a hampster and taking a lady out for a fine time, which would you choose.
Modify "lady" to "man", if your preferences so demand it.
GOTTA FINISH THIS BOOK
What to do? 4 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
"Without question, children enter the world predisposed to learn human languages. All normal children, raised in normal social environments, inevitably learn their local language, whereas other species, even when raised and taught in this same environment, do not."
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Nothin' worse than a needless thing, right.
Here are the only two things left - Tomorrow: test on cell bio! Whoo cell bio. Little does my teacher know of my secret plan to switch to CS - and then set myself on fire.
- Yesterday I could not get to sleep because I was under the impression that somebody was screaming in Latvian. Just a dream, you scoff, but what the hell kind of portent is that, when you wake up four times in a night because you think that somebody is quoting folk songs, really loudly? Somebody who doesn't even speak Latvian, as far as you know?
Harry, in a spiral of depression, turns to the escape of the world of miniature equine aficionada.
He produces many a Wine-out-of-Nowhere Spell and is drunk every day before noon.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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| 2009.08.18.02.57 |
| GRUMPH |
| Public |
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( HUMPH )
Can't even find somebody to haul me aside and strike me fearsome blows if I start to make a bad decision! UGH.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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I have old man knees that buckle when I walk? I knew I should have drunk (drank?) more milk as a little child! But it's too late now. My body is remembering to stop tolerating lactose. Soon, I'll be weaned! If I'm not already?!
Today was a busy day, where I met some cool dudes, moved some heavy things, wore black boots, and watched District 9. And here I am, past three o'clock in the morning! But probably the coolest part of the day was when Travis and Andy and I were out flyering the campus for rush, and people who were walking by just stopped and looked. Mouths agape. It was pretty sweet. There was this one kid who just stared at our fliers and we finally said look would you like one yourself so you can carry it? And he was like YES. We also, I think, locked up somebody's mom. She was just walking down the stairs, and then her head swivelled and fixed on the sign. And she just stopped moving. Her jaw disengaged.
There are now four mattresses in my room. Gotta figure out a solution here. Is the solution to listen to DREAM THEATER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! No :( But I am going forward with this plan, nonetheless.
Melody walks through the door,
and memory flies out the window.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.
Considering getting a commission from an intern-et artist. Is this bad? Yes. What is art? A MISERABLE PILE OF SECRETS.
[REDACTED] What can I do but hurtle blindly forward? (CORRECT ANSWER: ASK FOR ADVICE)
Give thy servant therefore an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and evil; for who is able to judge this thy great people? - 1 Kings 3:9
It's so easy to forget to shower, it's kind of disenheartening.
Vaporeon is great, and Jolteon is a chump. That's all you need to know. People who got Jolteon wasted an Eevee and a Thunder Stone. Vaporeon could use ice and water attacks, including Surf, an incredibly powerful physical attack, and Ice Beam, which could freeze your opponents. Freezing! A devastating status effect, that nobody ever was ready for. Jolteon? Jolteon had a lackluster round of attacks - the weak-ass Pin Missile, an indifferent double-kick, and the potential to learn Thunderbolt, sure, but who couldn't learn that?
What do you want to be, normal? There is no man normal.
Spoiler:
The song, "Fiddler on the Green," is actually about death.
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
- GI Joe, the movie, is a cinematic triumph, and has the greatest science. The moral you must take away from it is this - if you commit laser crimes, you go to laser jail.
- I now have a pillow and a six-inch knife, so I guess I'm "moved in"! Or as moved in as you can get while trying to not expand out of the loft.
- I have Wrath >:D
- No man is free from accusation of wrongdoing / Crimine nemo caret (?)
- Are you allowed to compliment a waitress? I feel like I've been warned about this before, since you're in this weird power situation, since as a customer, you're technically her superior. But if you think, say, she has a pretty cool voice, can you make mention of it?
(I didn't) - Eye won't stop twitching and it's driving me crazy.
Save me
To touch the rose will not bring release.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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The biggest adventure was installing a cabinet. Particle-board backing, into cinderblock walls. We had bolts and anchors, and the bolts weren't quite long enough to reach through the anchor and the backing and still hold the thread of the nuts, so we got to COUNTERSINK which is super-cool. And drilling into cinderblock (more times than I would have liked - we made a mistake or two when measuring, and so there are, uh, six or so extraneous holes. fortunately - like surgeons, we made no mistakes we couldn't bury). It was an okay adventure! Even though I was laughing and cussin' like a Russi'n, that's how you know I'm having fun (provided I also have a power tool). If setbacks make things more fun, does this mean I have the right mind to be an engineer? OR does it mean that I should never be placed in a negotiation situation? (悪人: Alright no funny business! I've got a hostage! 私: Yesss)
Other, less exciting (even to me and my misplaced priority) - thought I had found a deodorant that was also an antiperspirant! However, judging with hindsight, the size and scent of it suggests that the target audience was not men. So, uh, bollocks.
I saw the clock say 11:56, then leaned back and hit my head on the wall. I leaned forward, and the time was 12:04. There is only one explanation for this. That explanation is - ALIEN ABDUCTION.
Or the fair folk, I suppose.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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| 2009.08.02.23.36 |
| WAAAGE |
| Public |
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Operation: everything I want to take into two suitcases has evolved!
Now it is operation: everything I want to take into ONE suitcases!
... balls!
This would be a lot easier if I just never wore shirts again.
I'VE A PLAN.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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It's still outside, in the sense that the breeze is not blowing (not in the sense that there is some terrible thing that you're assumed to know about, and this nightmare still lurks beyond the portals in my wall) and yet I look out and I'm seeing this butterfly failing miserably to drink nectar or honey or pollen or Apple Fanta or whatever from a flower. Just bobbing and swaying all over the place, trying to imitate a leaf in high wind. BUTTERFLIES. I guess your response is "Geoff, I dare you to make something as tiny as a butterfly's brain that will allow a butterfly's body to do everything a butterfly can do AND stay perfectly still on a flower." Well, I can't. You know what? I can't. I made the mistake of thinking last night about all the things I can't do, with my life 80% done, and it's sobering. I can't spear-fish. Hypnosis? No. Kung fu? Also no. I might be able to drive a car evasively, but I've never been put in the situation to find out, and unlike Japanese which has a recognized test, there's no way to tell if you can shake bogeys until you've got some bogeys to shake.
Other news - doing okay on this "one bag" policy, but okay might not be enough. How can I transport my power drill? I know, I know, "why don't you swallow it, Geoff, like those guys who smuggle cocaine across the border," and that's a good idea, except for a couple of things. One - sometimes the bags rupture, and these guys have a whole lot of cocaine in their intestines, which is a good way to die. I don't mean good as in pleasant or honorable, but good as in "it will pretty probably make you dead". Now, that's cocaine - imagine if there were an unsealed drill floating around in my intestines! Imagine they're your intestines if you consider yourself "ultimately uninvolved" with my fate. Two - there was a story in the paper a while ago about drug smugglers who do their thing by making tiny submarines and sinking them after making the drug drop in America - with a crew of three, generously paid, you still make enough money on the deal that you can afford to make and scuttle submarines to deliver. Me, I don't even have a submarine to scuttle. I'm not sure what I'm suggesting anymore.
Renewing a New Zealand passport is nuts. In addition to all of the hoopla surrounding a regular renewal, you need to have your documents and photo witnesses by either a citizen of New Zealand who is not your blood relative, or a person of certain occupation (doctor, attorney, government employeee, teacher, clergyman) who has known you for a year. How frustratin'!
Demons & Wizards has this song, called "Wicked Witch," and it's pretty cool - as far as I can rattle it out in my tiny skull, it's a song about the aftermath of Oz - the great god-witch Dorothy has destroyed the two witches who participated in the world, the other two have retreated into obscurity. The Wizard himself is nothing but a sham, and then Dorothy leaves, and now there is nothing left in the land of Oz, only the mundane. It's a world drained of color. Neat! Well, it's neat to me, and it's neat to hear, and I guess my talking about it is stupid. Kind of like how you can't really appreciate "Stalker Goes to Babylon" and how it's a song about a guy struggling against capture, and he's free for precious seconds before he is ultimately killed, without hearing the music. Talking about music is like dancing about taste, and so on.
Yeah, see, that goldfinch is doing a lot better on that flower than that butterfly was. Geez butterfly. Way to get buffeted by wind that ehn't there.
Turbo Polka is destroying me. It is English cut with Eastern European (probably Slovene!), and it is termed "Dance". I am undone. The genre of the band (Atomik Harmonik) is "Turbo Folk".
Undone
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Operation: one suitcase is almost certainly destined to be an abortive disaster. BUT that's okay! Carry-on is for weak-ass accouterments like towels and a laptop and ink (preferably contained by pen)! AND if all else fails, I can get a guitar case to carry things in! Things - that AREN'T guitars bahm bahm BAHHHHHH. (see because Prohibition-era gangsters usually carried their guns in... violin cases. OKAY SO let's assume that I'm talking about emulating a Prohibition-era gangster who also needed to fight tanks. also that I obey all law)
Operation: one week is probably going to play out without major incident. And then I'll vanish, like a bad odor when you open a window! Like your lucky penny, rolling down a storm drain and into the mouth of an alligator who has just been condemned to be assumed bodily into HELL. Like roadkill decaying on the road, but really quickly.
Operation: keep listening to "Touched by the Crimson King" - a rousing success! I like their cover of Immigrant Song, and it's gotten me thinking about campus movie fest this year. I'm thinking - VIKING LIFE. ( A quick summary of my stupid face ) It has its problems, like a lack of conflict or resolution BUT THAT JUST ADDS TO THE CHARM.
Operation: explain Twitter to my parents... I might not have done such a good job with that. However, I did get to say "It's a cheap way of writing 'I was here' for everyone to see," so good work there me.
Consider the Vow of Punching. The monastic order's central tenet is that combat hones the soul and brings enlightenment, and so even meaningless conflict is valuable to the student's progression. Hence, novices take the Vow of Punching - whenever a problem can be solved without violence, employ violence even more liberally.
You can imagine that these monks usually find little welcome away from the monastery.
The sacrifice of innocence, this work needs to be done
Now, blow the horn! Hail to the gun!
It all makes sense in my head, he said. REALLY, what he meant, was that nothing makes sense to him, so his stream of consciousness is nothing but a par for this disreputable course!
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Terrible moment of self-cognizance - today, my mom said Geoff you need suit pants that aren't too short for you! And I was all aww mom :( Then we went to the Store, and the overeager salesman met us. "Looking for pants, eh?" he said. "What's your waist size?"
"I'm 30-34," I replied (more information than he asked for - HUBRIS, young Geoff, hubris precedes a downfall!)
He looked at me and rolled his eyes, and from the stygian depths of his suit pockets produced a long and cunning tape-measure. I dutifully held my arms up, and he ran it around my waist. "Hmm, hmm, I see." He unhooked some pants from the rack. "Try these - 32-34."
And they fit.
I'M TWO INCHES FATTER THAN I THOUGHT ;_;
I'M A WHALE (they call me Geoff "クジラ太郎" McButtface)
There's only one thing to do and that is eat tubs of ice cream sitting in front of an open freezer, tears rolling down my sticky sticky cheeks and onto the floor.
p.s. who has read "Dark Tower", is it an okay book. Wizards & Demons did a theme album for it which is pretty okay. But then again, Blind Guardian did a cool theme album for the Silmarillon, which is an unreadable morass of forgettable names, unintelligible descriptions, and allusions to things that never existed to reference.
Done is done, yes there will be no taking back
Every journey must come to an end.
All hail to the Gunslinger, praise to the Dinh and our King
Beyond our reach, out of control.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Ever had one of those dreams where you wake up and say, I know exactly what that dream meant and what it was about and what I must do?
WELL
I dreamed I was talking with my family about sea cucumbers, who when threatened, will vomit their own organs as a defense strategy (it's apparently technically called "evisceration", but I didn't know that in the dream). At which point, we fell to discussing, and somebody said "You know, like the Latin, 'Nobody attacks me and I don't throw up on them'."
And then, in-dream, I went to find our Latin dictionary so I could figure out exactly how you could say this in Latin. I was going to mangle "Nemo me impune lacessit", but now I'm awake that seems to be nonstraightforward task.
The Japanese, brought to you by Quick 'n Hasty Productions LLG (Limited Liability Guy) is てめえが突けば吐き答える, approximately "If you [bastards] attack, [I'll] vomit my answer." Would an actually Japanese person understand this? PROB. NOT
I was about to do the French, but it occurred to me that I don't know how to phrase it in French so you're vomiting on or at somebody (generally you're just vomiting). Same with Japanese, actually. I kind of assumed you could use the particle に to indicate a direction
Once again I've become unmoored from the fragile dock of good taste and compos mentis.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Like the old joke goes, the difference between you and the government is that if the government thinks you're out of line, they're allowed to kill you.
Also - there's a stereotype that tomboys are promiscuous? Who authorized that?
Your ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what your ship is for.
LOVE CAKE NOT LOVE MAKE
i agree with the sentiments but refuse to believe that the Japanese say that.
His horn went beep beep beep
What to do? 12 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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HERE BEGINS THE JOKE FROM ANCIENT GREEK
A scholastikos (egghead) is on a ship with his slaves, when a storm appears. The waves rock the boat, and the slaves begin to weep with fear.
"Take heart! Stop weeping!" commands the egghead. "If I die, my will sets you all free!"
HERE ENDS THE JOKE FROM ANCIENT GREEK
(dated like fourth or fifth century BC)
HERE BEGINS A JOKE THAT POPE GREGORY TOLD IN ENGLAND
Pope Gregory saw some people from the British Isles and said "What good-looking people! Of what race are they?"
"Angles, Pope."
"Not Angles... BUT ANGELS!" (Non angli sed angeli)
HERE ENDS THE JOKE THAT POPE GREGORY TOLD IN ENGLAND
(dated around 600AD)
HERE BEGINS A JOKE THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY VERY OLD
I was invited to a Latin verb conjugation party, but I can't go. I'm afraid I'll have to decline.
HERE ENDS A JOKE THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY VERY OLD
HERE BEGINS A RADIO EDIT
The question is - half-elves, half-humans. Humans fall in love / have children with elves because they're like humans, but more beautiful, more intelligent, &c ad nauseum. Therefore! Elves fall in love / have children with humans because we're... contemptible?
HERE ENDS A RADIO EDIT
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Poll #1432154
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9 A problem shared is Lighter news: the dog has figured out that tomatoes don't have to be "ripe" to be "edible". Hence, to my mother's dismay, he has been stripping the vines! She will have no tomatoes, and the fact that he is getting only green ones is no comfort to her at all. In conclusion: a labrador dog has no sense of right or wrong, but has a keen nose for filling his tummy. GRATUITOUS IMEEM LINK: Not thinking about it won't make it go away.
What to do? 3 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
I look at lists and see no reason why I can't fit everything I need for college into a suitcase and a carry-on. Cloth compresses well - electrics (phone/charger &c) are noncompressible but small - books are nondeformable and heavy, but can be pared down to a small number. The problem is I've had this conclusion every year for three years, and it never works out. And then I end up bringing frivolous shit like a pillow, or a bass, or a second pair of shoes (wear boots, carry flip-flops, DONE).
Whatever! In two weeks, it'll be done for better or worse, and then you will be shot of me (or variably, shot through by me - VAjins vs. GAjins)
[redacted]
Would have liked to've known you
But I was just a kid.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
-- Reminder part of entry --
11 AM, July 18, Mount Vernon Unitarian Church
RIP Katie T.
-- Reminder part of entry --
(this space intentionally left blank)
-- Unimportant part of entry --
UGH how do you make a mix CD everyone talks about songs naturally leading into each other but I'm of the school of "shuffle" and "song repeat".
What is order I am lawful-good this should be some kind of instinct for me.
( Playlist for road trippin' wit' my mommy )
P.S. Me mom got a Dell desktop.
-- Unimportant part of entry
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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My mom is lookin' for a new computer, and she's not lookin' for something too fancy, so it comes down to Dell vs. HP. On the side of Dell - my dad, who says their customer service is pretty good. On the side of HP - Chirley, who says their customer service is pretty good. On the side 無, me, who points out that in the nine years we've had the computer she's currently using, we haven't actually called support once. SO if you know terrible secrets about Dell or HP, now's the time to tell me! "Geoff," you'd write in a comment, "the HP actually stands for 'Human Punching-machine'." Or "Geoff," you could say alternately, "all Dells are actually made from the tears of orphans." Stuff like that. If you would whisper foul treachery to me, like "Macs are quite good," well I'm not sure what would happen.
Apart from that, I have discovered that cooking meat is easy! Cooking it so it can be described by a word that is not "unremarkable" or "inoffensive", well, that isn't so easy for me. But hey! I may not have an instinct for spices and herbs, but I'm also tone-deaf! Wait no that's no good.
Bananas are pretty good. Good-tasting and good for you! And a tradeable good. That's three kinds of good right there! Me, I'm no good for you. And have no economic value, at the mo'. So, what it comes down to is that a humble banana, which you can hold in your hand, is three times better at being a friend than I.
New glasses get dirty, just like old ones. Things change, but the world won't.
You ever have those times where somebody does something completely off-the-wall bonkers, and you've known since a little kid that it was a crazy thing to do? But you call them out, and they look at you funny, and it turns out you're the one who's weird? Likeazzafrinstance, facing the toilet paper to the wall (truth, glory, and infinite light) vs. to the toilet (foul treachery, destruction; the domain of perverts and the criminally insane). I mean, I haven't, but a, uh, friend of mine, saw something in the Poop-per-day calendar that shook him to his very core.
How about one of those times where the last shovel of dirt falls on your face, and the reality of your situation, that Celtic druids have kidnapped you and sacrificed you to pagan gods and the land by burying you alive, finally sinks in. It was all like a dream before then, but then it's just you, and the crushing weight of the soil. You open your mouth to say something, and the freshly-turned soil crumbles into it. You try to cough, and your body wracks, but the earth won't let you move. Paralyzed but with working muscles - that's a doozy, huh?
I mean, if we're talking about dreams, I had one this morning where we were under attack by ghosts. Finally, one of them took on a living body, and we strove mightily against it, safe in our belief that it takes impossible circumstances for a ghost to do this. We had him in an armlock, when he began to laugh, and said "To make a body, why, that's the easiest thing in the world. Kill me now! I'll be back before I hit the floor." It was 悪い気持ち, make no mistake.
What to do? 11 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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- Forty-six crates of books hit TJ today (speaking in past tense - Ed.), and they need volunteers apparently to help catalogue them. Am I doing anything more worthwhile with my time than that? No. No, I am not. So, tomorrow's on the gun, like the saying goes.
- Today, article in Washington Post talked about the four generations currently working right now (the last of the Greatest, the Baby Boomers, Gen X, and Gen Y is beginning, if you were interested), and there was a sidebar, horoscope-like, that described the characteristics of each generation, along with the "shapers" of those generations - 9/11 was a shaper for Y, stagflation for X, &c &c. Anyway, one of the traits that belonged to a Gen Y person was "authentic confidence". It struck me as a little weird that the generation that won WWII didn't have such a characteristic attributed to them. And this word, "authentic" - what does it mean here? Do we (humanity) tend more towards bluffed confidence? Is there a downside to that? (if you can bluff long enough, isn't that as good as the real thing? this is an important question w.r.t. the Turing test, I understand)
- What of that list I wrote time and time ago? I unpacked my laundry from PA, so that's great! I haven't burned you the CD, because I'm lazy! And I've written you the email, because I'm terrible!
- I have three t-shirts with peeps on them. Three! Any reasonable person would surmise that I'm a guy who likes peeps! I argue that I don't lie, that as a ghost-American it is a genetic impossibility for me to do so, but I sure can mislead people, at least as far as my lovin' peeps. More fun news - there's going to be a peep store opening in National Harbor. Can they afford to open such a niche store in such economic times? Candy apparently sells well always, so they're going ahead with it. UNRELATEDLY (relatedly?!), th' contents of this "peep store" will probably be less erotic than you're imagining.
- There's no such saying.
Like the joke goes, "Either this man is insane, or a poet." Ha ha! Pretty funny right? What would anyone ever confuse a scientist with? There are voices I'm hearing and each has their own answer, and I'm not even coherent enough to figure out which of them is right! Or where those voices are coming from.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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| 2009.07.09.01.04 |
| 腐れなさい |
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The day started, as days will, with a promise, and ended with no consequence. - my dad.
Gotta unpack from college so I can pack for college. Two months later, is this sad or true? ALSO - collegeboard recommends that I carry three weeks of underwear with me. So that was what I was doing wrong all this time! It's all falling into place. (oddly, they assert you only need 14 shirts. why oddly? ( TMI?! ))
Electric shaver is terrible, but instructions indicate that factory-fresh, it will be. Expect a three-week breaking in, they say, gleefully unaware that return policy is also three weeks.
People say, Geoff, has your hair stopped growing? It hasn't! It's just falling out fast enough that there is no net growth.
Come on, come on! You can wish you knew what to do, or you can wish for free will, but you can't have both!
If the train won't come
these tracks can take my feet too.
What to do? 15 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
- I'm sorry I've given you the impression I'm a mysterious guy. I am 100% obvious and straightforward. The only thing mysterious about me is how people trust me despite my being a mysterious SOB.
- I lie a lot, almost constantly. How can you tell when I show my true feelings? My ホンマの感じ? There's no good rule. I don't make eye contact, so you can't analyze that.
- Sometimes I say "I'd like to get drunk!" But then I remember what Shakespeare said, "Getting drunk won't solve your problems, but it will solve your not having a hangover."
- If I attribute anything to Shakespeare, I've almost certainly fabricated it.
For those of you who know me well enough that this teaches you nothing new, I give you these two videos. (English)(Russian)These are techno songs about Putin, tangentially. Jessica F. thinks they're pretty cool, and so do DJ and Dags. Sempai may or may not, Chirley probably won't. WATCH THEM. Disclaimer you may listen to this song for a day.
What to do? 10 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
I didn't really talk with her very much. I remember meeting her back in Beach Week, and gtalk logs indicate the last time I spoke with her was back in December 2007. I fell away from her after that, it seems. But I've read what people have been saying about her, and it seems like this was a mistake I made.
I'm not sure what else to say.
I'm sorry.
R.I.P. Katie T.
What to do? Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
FUN FACTS ABOUT GEOFF (part of a continuing series) - Ignoring the lessons of Serenity, once Geoff said "I'm a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar." Shortly thereafter, the car he was driving hydroplaned, on the Beltway, as he was merging at night. It was めっちゃ あぶね～え but like the Nightwish song, he lived to tell the tale! (did he wish he had an angel? A DIFFERENT STORY)
- Once Geoff made "Red Potato Puree", following instructions he found in a boke of cokery! The recommendation - use five small red potatoes in conjunction with 1/4 cup of lemon juice for an excellent, slightly sour, side for grilled fish! Geoff's doing - use five medium-large red potatoes in conjuction with 3/16 cup of lemon juice (1.5 lemon equivalent). The result? Mashed potatoes that tasted just like lemons. It was subtle like a shovel to the face.
- Once Geoff started reading mangas online he found he couldn't stop! HE COULDN'T STOP.
- Once, Geoff realized that he could add 必 to the front of any word for fun and profit! So, while you can do things like talk about 必勝 (Certain Victory!) or 必死 (Certain Death!) or 必殺 (Certain Kill!), you can also talk about 必祭 (Certain Party! - use to describe your spring break in conjunction with future tense). AND THUS DID GEOFF REALIZE THAT COMPOUND WORDS ARE BURVIGS.
- Once Geoff & Dags were in Washington DC, home of tiny ponies and the Tyrannosaurus Rex (bones only), and they saw a group called Only Men Aloud, who are a Welsh choir! They performed a song, and the name of the song was "MacArthur Park". Later that very day - they performed a song named "Don't Rain on my Parade". IT THEN RAINED ON OUR INTREPID HEROES.
- Geoff may very well graduate in a year! After that, what will happen to him? Will he starve to death, or become a hero of the common man? Are these goals mutually exclusive?
Do your toenails grow after death? OR does your skin contract, exposing previously hidden nail, providing the masterful illusion of further growth? THE SHADOW KNOWS.
What to do? 5 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Operation: MAN-DATE of HEAVEN - great success! DJ and I saw Transformers: Robots and Explosions the Movie, and it was robots and explosions, just as the title promised! Other things that were in it included PSI UPSILON yeah that's right my fraternity was in a big-time movie. Unfortunately, the movie indicates we're dudes who pop our collars. Some things are just movie magic! But yeah, Transformers was 2.5 hrs of robots and explosions, and if you like either of those you should go watch it! If you expect tiny humans to do anything significant in the face of giant robots, well you're crazy, but maybe this time you won't be so disappointed.
Later I came home and my laptop was like Geofffffffffffff something horrible lives in me~ and then a horrible monster burst into the room wearing the skin of Windows Firewall! But system restore defeated it: MAYBE!?
And now what time is it? FOUR.
And under the weight of voodoo, I have buckled.
Still haven't - burned you a cd
- written you an email about feelings
- unpacked my laundry from PA
Have - Discharged final Christmas present, 6 months late.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Two things. - "This is what Mother warned me about. I'll get a concussion. I'll fall down in some convulsions, and my body won't be found until a dog drags some part of me onto somebody's farm. Probably the circumcised part of me, and they'll have to call in a mohel to identify it. Definitely the boy Itzak Shlomo - on your records as Ivan Petrovich Smetski. A good runner, but apparently not bright enough to look out for trees. Sorry, but he was too stupid to go on living. That's just the way natural selection works. And Father would shake his head and say, He should have been in Israel, where there are no trees."
- Enchantment, Orson Scott Card. - I AM A BROTHER OF PSI UPSILON
AND I SHALL DEFECATE WHERE I PLEASE
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Here's the important details of the dream - evil gods of death (死神 hurrrr) set up a base of operation in TJ, and my true identity as one of the people dedicated to their end was revealed when the bandana rode up, revealing something on my forehead. A lighting-shape scar? A 3D effect cross? A third eye? Never revealed, and I couldn't see it (it was on my friggin' forehead). ANYWAY the moral of the dream was clear! The moral is to never show my true self to anyone, lest I be attacked by evil gods of death.
PRIOR TO THAT, Dags and I went to TJ to see what was up with the shanty that was being built in the back, and security at TJ was like HEY what are you clowns doing here? UP TO NO GOOD I'D HAZARD. The point of this story is that security in my high school has tightened substantially, to the point where I've been picked up by security every time I've been back this summer! (once to volunteer, once to stare at the shanty) I guess it's true what they say, you can't go back (you can never go back). Also maybe TJ is now the demesne of evil gods of death WHO'S TO SAY? Fortunately he didn't see my forehead.
GOTTA MAKE A MIX CD UGH and the theme of it is GOING AWAY, so HOLD ME TO THAT.
Coming up - going to Pitt's Burgh and then UNIONTOWN for my parent's friends' 50th wedding anniversary :O So if you call me and say GEOFF I can't live without you anymore come! COME TO MY SIDE! well that's going to be a even more of a problem than it usually is, a little 困っている if you will. Unrelatedly, lookitme lookitme I'm cutting Japanese into English again! I'M SO GREAT. (見て見て、もう一度俺は日本語と英語を混ぜてる。俺がぜったい一番すげええええええええ)
This icon is strangely hypnotic.
Do you want to fight? Do you want to win? Or do you want to live? Which is it?
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
I have had an idea, and this is the thrust (teehee) of it.
The coroner is dead - we think.
Obviously, there's no way to tell for sure, because the only man who could correctly diagnose the situation (the coroner) is dead! MAYBE. You see very quickly the plots that suggest themselves! - The cop, who has to solve this mystery before the killer strikes again. But who's the killer? How did the coroner die? Was he poisoned, stabbed, old age, hit by a truck? NOBODY KNOWS. He's out of leads and he's out of time.
- The man who did "the deed" (here poorly elaborated upon), and now on the run from the law, who must prove that he *didn't* kill the coroner i.e. that the man still lives!
- The wife of the coroner (the husband of the coroner?) who promptly abducts the corpse (or what might be a corpse) and spends the rest of the story wheeling him around in a wheelchair, variably cheerfully determined that he's still alive and resigned to his death.
I initially figured these would be two different plots, variations on the same theme (like how both Pinnochio and Blade Runner ask the question What is it to be a man, but arrive at their destinations very differently), but then I thought about Moon Over Buffalo, which is great, and I'm wondering if these plots could be interwoven with each other. Deuce, there could even be multiple simultaneous instances of the the second plot, where there's a guy who accidentally shot the coroner, and a guy who served him a beverage, and discovered after the coroner left that the bottle of Drano, kept next to the hooch, had been recently opened. That might be beyond human comprehension though - best keep that on the d/l (down-low) for the tambien. But I thought of Moon Over Buffalo, and that's what important! (still trying to riddle out how I could include a love triangle, which is NECESSARY - ideally one of those nightmarish Shakespeare polygons that only works because half of the cast is cross-dressing) Another man could make this a touching story about how much we let our roles define us (here, nobody can make the diagnosis of death because nobody left is a coroner). Another man! Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace. Unrelated: Fruit Gushers taste like crayons and they're terrible. There are people who will tell you otherwise, but let's remember that there are people who will tell you candy corn is terrible! The fact is there are people who delight in spreading malicious lies.
What to do? 1 happy marriage! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Operation: Grill some Lamb was going pretty okay when suddenly
NO MORE PROPANE.
Moral of the story - you can bake potatoes on the grill, but if you do, it will use all of your propane and then you will be unable to finish grilling the meat! And the girl will rub your shoulders and say shh it's okay it happens to a lot of guys and you'll be like NOT TO UNCLE SAM. Powerful medications will be taken, and you will throw that football through that tire. Nowhere will you pause and say to yourself "Hey how does she know that it happens to a lot of guys what has she been reading :O"
I've moved away from what I was originally saying, which was that I was barbecuing some food and I ran out of propane. On the other hand, I have now made stuffed baked potatoes! They're crazy! I was going to say they're as crazy as devilled eggs, but when you devil eggs you put exciting stuff back in, like anchovy paste, and chopped bacon, and bullets [from a revolver]. Stuffed baked potatoes were mashed potatoes: in potato skins.
Other things I did today: drove into a wall! Well more like tried to turn a corner, was prevented from this by a wall. So now my dad's car has a dent and is missing paint! And I'm the worst boy in the world. On the other hand, I KEEP LISTENING to Blind Guardian's cover of Surfin' USA and it's great because about 1/3 of the way through the song they stop drumming and start just having a big, noisy machine that they turn on when they need to bring the noize. On ANOTHER hand, I got lemon juice on a cut on my hand! It stung ;_; On the next hand, I got some heavy stitching and heavy fabric and BROUGHT THE PAIN on those holes in my panties! (properly: "pants". cannot add diminutive ending without changing meaning) On a subsequent hand, I found my Japanese banner of the Ten Commandments of Health! (they all follow 少X多Y, so they're like "Less cars, more walk," "Less meat, more vegetables"). On one more hand, there's something weird happening with my right (dominant) hand - striations on the fingers like the grain of wood, and the pads have eroded from my middle and ring finger, which subsequently have developed tough, cuticle-like skin. On that latter hand, today was nice and sunny! A good day to be outside.
And on the final hand, my secret is out. How long have I been an octopus? you ask me. As long as you've known me. You should have realized it when I could squeeze into any place with a diameter no smaller than my eyeball. It should have been obvious when I demonstrated that I could open jars, and have a malevolent intelligence. Also - when we kissed, and I tore up your face pretty bad because I have a beak (unyielding and designed to destroy) instead of lips (oddly sensitive).
YOU FOOLS.
RADIO EDIT: This is a RAP ABOUT ARLINGTON that Enrique found because he is beautiful.
What to do? 9 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Guys I have been wearing bandanas since the ninth grade (I got my first one right after Lock-In - it was a desert camo motif). Deborah tried to show me that there was a way to tie the bandana that was 男らしい and manly and distinct from how a lady ties her bandana? But the fact remains that sometimes Deborah lied to me, in those days. So, the way I've been folding it has been a corner-corner halving fold. But the internet, the other day, recommended that I try instead doing a one-quarter fold! So, instead of decreasing surface area by 50%, a mere 12.5%! I was suspicious at first, but I tried it and IT'S SO GOOD. The paisley pattern means that now I look like I have a little tiara! AND THAT MEANS I'M A PRINCESS.
Anyway, did you take apart a grill and put together a grill today? I don't think you did! But I DID. I took my vorpal wrench (yes it can decapitate people SHUT UP) and four screwdrivers and did battle with bolts rusted shut for thirteen years. It was a long, hard battle - parts where I TORE METAL APART (I'm the best), parts where my mighty hands held the bolts in place as I undid them, and parts where I used a hacksaw to cut bolts (hacksaws are RIDICULOUS :OOO) My hands were covered in kitty litter, briquette residue, and RUST RUST RUST (we decided to replace the grill because the "grate" wasn't so much "holding food" as it was "crumbling apart" and we were in fear that it would "drop our food onto the fire" and we would "not eat") and I did it all without a shirt because I'm a MAN (ladies can also do things without a shirt but that's scandalous :O). Maybe I have a sunburn! Maybe I have West Nile! (I certainly have bugbites ;_;) Then I came inside and drank a soda and ate a pickle! The soda was Mountain Dew Voltage, which is a cheerful sky-blue. The pickle was, uh, a pickle.
THEN I found this neat Yachiru icon (Yachiru is great) and made a livejournal post! WITH CARRIAGE RETURNS BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. NOW I must away to get some bell peppers and then to cook things - BY BARBEQUE. High times! HIGH TIMES!
AHHHHHHHHH what was in that mountain dew AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I like how the browser's spellcheck understands that I want to impart a manic sense to people who read this, and is correcting my spelling when I accidentally leave out a capital letter (sometimes I just hold down the shift and type the word instead of capslock - shift is manual transmission cool) to all caps. This computer and me, we understand each other maybe!
RADIO EDIT (1:21AM) - There's a manga, it's called Addicted to Curry, and it's amazing. That's what I say.
What to do? 11 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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<soapbox>
Look, here is the best justification I have for why I get angry when people say "irregardless". It's the spoken equivalent of lettuce in somebody's teeth. Is it harmful? No! You can live your life 100% normally even if everybody around you has lettuce in their teeth. Does it prevent proper function? No! People can chew perfectly fine with crap stuck in their teeth. You understand that "irregardless" means "regardless", just like how "teeth with lettuce" function like "teeth". So what's the big hairy deal?
My big deal is that ir- is a well-advertised, well-known prefix (irrelevant, irrational, irregular, irrefutable, irreparable, and so on). Whenever you see it, it serves the same general purpose. And here, the purpose is ignored. It's like designing your house with a toilet bolted to your ceiling. You see toilets every day. You know what they're used for. But now you have a useless thing. (I have a great idea for a painting now, and it is a picture of a man, hands at his fly, gazing forlornly at a toilet mounted to the ceiling. the title is "irregardless")
It stinks like you're talking faster than you think. The fallacy of the prefix is obvious.
It's a purposeless thing.
I hate the word "irregardless"
(people say "okay well what if it means "without lack of regard", and I say okay so the word you are looking for is either "therefore", which serves to indicate that your previous sentence is important to your next sentence, or possibly "regarding". double negatives don't corrupt meanings, but neither do arbitrarily long strings of "very")
</soapbox>
Other things? Shoot. I'm pretty proud of how I'm using html input for this entry but I made the < and > characters display correctly! (The sin of pride, the demon cried)
Kept watching Bleach! I like it. And as long as I keep watching it, I can keep at bay thoughts of sadness! ("This guy is a hero, why can't I be a hero?") And maybe you think there is a better lead theme than Ichirin no Hana but that's because you're wrong, and your opinion is stupid.
閉じ掛けた気持ち覇気出せば
痛みも苦しいもすべてを受け止めるよ
だから、泣かないで
笑っていて一厘の花
I like lyrics more than I like music, is the secret of my madness.
AND STAYING UP IS BETTER THAN SLEEPING
(no word on the park job application which is now tennish days old)
What to do? 13 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Bloodstains on tie-dye! I think that's pretty funny. UNRELATEDLY need to figure out why sometimes there are scabs on my head, which bleed onto tie-dye. BUT FIRST, THE MYSTERY OF PIRATE'S COVE.
Also, my best pants ("best" is a relative statement) are shot through with holes! To refresh, these pants are green cargo pants that have no less than two patches on each knee. As usual for these pants, where I seal a hole, a new one breaks above the patch within eight or so weeks, so I gotta fix that. But it gets worse! The strain of holding my fat butt in has finally mastered them and now there's a hole in the back all the boys will see my bum oh no :( HOWEVER this represents a chance (チャンス IF YOU WILL) for me to have words on my butt (by putting word on the patch (why couldn't i have written directly on the fabric? you ask too many questions))! Like how sometimes you see girls wearing green sweatpants that have PINK written on the seat of them (this destroys me) - also, words like "juicy" and "cutie" and "immanentize the eschaton". You know what I'm talking about. You've been stuck behind slow-walking people too. SO. I'm thinking 痩せ我慢 would be pretty sweet (if it means, as they assert, "to endure for the sake of one's pride", here enduring a patch) or alternately 尻隠さず (from 頭隠して、尻隠さず, "cover your head and cover your ass") or I could just have a patch I guess and not be a jerk.
Unrelatedly, Poland caused WWII, so look out for Poland.
Also I've been watching Bleach, finally (this is the summer where I watch things that everybody's already seen and moved on from), and it has struck me. Bleach is following a Harry Potter model of procession (Harry Potter follows a Bleach procession? NO IT ALL COMES BACK TO ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE). That is - first part (short) is "Wow, the world of wizards is so magical!" and follies along that line, and the second part is POLITICAL INTRIGUE. And I can't stop watching it :(
What to do? 2 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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The two dried peas rattling around in my skull are "Retreat, and you'll grow old," and "Live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse."
They look pretty similar on the surface, but I can't help but parse the first one as a threat (don't retreat, or you'll grow old), and the last one as a curse (don't retreat; die now). The power of language, to make such subtle distinctions.
Youth may or may not be wasted on the young, but fools write off the value of age.
I'd like to do something with languages, maybe, because languages are fun. However, even as we speak, Google is designing machines to basically replace human translators. If I recall the numbers correctly, army-tested speech translators have something like a 65% accuracy rate, where a really good translator can manage something like 80% truth of signal? And that's just current-gen stuff. Plus, machines offer a neutral standpoint, which is apparently a problem with human translators. ( Old Joke ) Pretty soon, why would you even need a second language? (answer: same reason why you need to know arithmetic despite the infiltration of our society with calculators)
IN CONCLUSION, every day the future grows muddier. At this rate, I will grow up to dig ditches.
UGH gotta stop being fat and sad, this is no way for a president to be. Leaders must be invincible champions. That's the law. Their black hands protect the peace of the new-borns, &c, &c.
Unrelatedly, how many of you have such contempt for popcorn! I'm dismayed. I thought popcorn was something everyone agreed on. But I've been wrong before, too.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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In other news, the White House set up official translations for the speech that the president just gave in Cairo. It's been translated into fifteen different languages (at the time of this, three were still marked "in progress"). There are, naturally, translations into Arabic, French, Indonesian, Malay, Pashto - since one of the thrusts of the speech deals with Islam, it makes sense to translate it into Islamic-accessible languages. There's Chinese and Russian up too - okay, that's all of the UN Security Council languages (we can lump French in there too if you didn't buy the Islamic argument).
There is no Japanese translation, but I can understand that. There is, however, no Spanish translation, which strikes me as odd - especially considering that there is a Portuguese translation.
AIRLINE PEANUTS AM I RIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
( Small questions I'd like your answers on )
It's always pretty weird to me when people say man Geoff you're eccentric or offbeat or crazy~ Everything I do makes sense to me.
I NICE TRY NO SONG LYRICS HERE
What to do? 6 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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So, our grill is thirteen years old, and one of the consequences of it is that the inbuilt lighter doesn't work anymore! How do you get the grill to light, then, you ask! (not with sincerity, mostly you're being polite) Well the key is you turn on the gas and you shut the grill and you let it build up. Then, you put the lighter into a vent in the side and light it! The trick is it takes a while? Apparently the grill needs to fill. There are vents very close to the gas output so they leak propane, so the whole assembly stinks like a gas leak, but the propane tank exhales faster than the grill leaks, so overall there's buildup in the system. So you stand there, stinking like gas, and every so often you try the lighter again. And it doesn't work, it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and then twelve cubic feet of propane catches. There's this sound ("whoomp"), followed by another sound ("clank"), and a subsequent sound ("chitterchitterchitter") - that's the sound of the gas igniting and blowing the lid off the grill, the lid falling back on the grill, and the kitty-litter in the bottom that absorbs the drippings being blown out of the vents, in that order. Wakes you up like coffee can't.
In the meantime, books from the library tell me how to build exciting things, like revolving shelves and a deck? And jigsaws. It doesn't tell me how to *build* a jigsaw, but certainly gives me things I could use a jigsaw to build! But just like how nobody speaks Japanese, nobody needs things like this book tells me how to build. So, basically what I'm saying is that I borrowed a book of woodworking porn from the library. It sounds bad if you say it like that, though. But that's how I roll (need my help? NAW)
Anyway, in D&D there's a template called "Riddling" which is generally meant to be applied to dragons? But Mafro and I applied it to a TYRANNOSAURUS REX. What this means for you is that if you can beat this tyrannosaur on an opposed knowledge check, he is stunned for 1d10 rounds as he considers your answer. Basically, this is Qwantz: the Dungeons and Dragons encounter. We also came up with Tyrannosaurus Fey, which is a tyrannosaurus who has beautiful butterfly wings, and the power to enthrall you. What this means is that a dinosaur drops out of the sky, roars, and you spend 1d3 rounds discussing the precise meaning of the roar. It's great, I think. But don't take my word for it! What do OTHER people say? Let's go to the phones!
Ms. Q___ : that was okay but not very funny really
i'm sorry you suck
Ladies and gentlemen, the voices of the people!
A VIDEO which is an object lesson in the fleeting nature of life and the importance of optimism. Also - saxophone solo.
Anyway, have you ever had one of those days where there are ants inside of your laptop? Because maybe I have. I don't know why an ant would hide inside of my keyboard and explore the monitor, but there were like ten or twelve of them - THAT I FOUND (bum bum BAAAAAHM). What were they doing? Why were they inside my laptop? Have they discovered that I keep honey in my CD drive for secret eating? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
What to do? 13 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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Chirley would have me believe that you shouldn't bring a shovel to a club, lest you embarrass your confederates! And Chato would have me believe this is completely within standard clubbing procedure! I maintain that I am on the side of right, because I was recently told by a wise old man that there are a few things you should always have with you, and they are duct tape and a shovel (the followup line was "You never know when you'll have to bury something") SO I guess if I ever go clubbing I'll have to compromise and bring a folding shovel, which can be collapsed and hidden so my shyer confederates face no humiliation. The next issue - how I will "wow" all the boys with my dancing techniques, when I don't dance! I know exactly which face you're making.
Apart from that I am still unemployed and ugly (called Petco today about my job application, was told that when they said they "had an opening," they actually meant "it is possible at some unspecified time in the future that we may have an opening"), but I'm going to be helping set up a CONVENTION (quilting) and maybe make some fat stacks of お金 or maybe more to the tune of "I can pay dues for the semester that I'll be president" WHO KNOWS. Or maybe they'll just passive-aggressively never call back. WHEE.
I, uh, still smell, and I have a hat that is pretty cunning! Man walks down a street wearing this hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.
I sewed a lining for my crummy bag! Now anything that would penetrate it must destroy two layers of cloth. I am the smartest, and I should have a cunning hat to befit my office hey would you look at that.
Once again my plan to get back on a regular sleep schedule has apparently been derailed. CURSES. I do things like read Zombie Hunters instead of sleeping. Maybe you should do this too! And then you and I would be the same. And then the world would come crashing to an end, as I spread like a virus across the face of the globe, a meme torn from the darkest corner of Richard Dawkins' imagination. But maybe that won't happen! EXPERIMENT.
I have headphones in, but rarely listen to things on the computer. One of the best parts of this is, every so often there's interference from my cell phone? And I can hear that. The interference is apparently not related to calls (at least, there's not a 1:1 ratio of interference to call), so that's a thing.
What to do? 6 happy marriages! or Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
Picked up a pamphlet at the church, and it held one of the ways to live a cleaner life is a well-defined sleep time. Wake up on time, get up immediately. After all, if you can't discipline yourself right from the start of the day, why do you think you'll be able to set the next sixteen hours in order? Good advice, I mused. Good advice, at 3:20PM in the afternoon. And here I am now.
I'm a leaf on the wind, as it were.
What to do? Let's get married 'KAY! or Remember me or Tell a Friend or Ever after. I guess!
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